Second Life

 I'm tired. For real. The balcony work is tiring :/ Weekend is just in time, I suppose. Spoke to Hengrui about the new hobby thing. More ideas inspired by him. Afraid of the idea "giving up" Starting is easy, but stopping is hard, which ultimately makes starting hard. Of course I can always pick up something, devote to it, and change when I see it unfit. However, walking away from something I have been committing, it's hard for me. Persevering, I am. This is a very good trait. I have reasons to believe that it is one of the important factors which contribute to my achievements today. However, too much of it hinders me, as I just realise now. A long time ago, I discovered a reason behind my procrastination, that I'm afraid of proofing "this is the best I can do, which is not so well". By procrastinating,  I can always tell myself that the result is not good because I didn't have time to do my best. From another perspective, maybe I can interpret it as...

 The weather is so nice recently. Cannot blame me for wanting to stay outside a bit longer, make use of it :p 想換髮型 上班早上就累了 boundary... I still need to wake up earlier. To protect the work life.

 I chatted to people. Many but I don't feel drained. Good sign. Ella / Boundary Boundary is good and important. Distant could help. We'll figure out more from here. Ella / Changing Team Turns out it's easy. Just go on grow and see if there's any open headcount. Chat with the hiring manager, and that's it. No excellent ratings required (up to the hiring manager, though). There's also a "transfer with level change". Apparently it only applies to L6-9, so for me, no hope for one stone two birds :p Change team is referred as "project transfer", no interview required (yay!) It says gResume in docs. But Ella didn't mention it at all. I suppose it's for role transfer specifically. But! If I transfer now, I won't be able to relocate to Zurich within a year. I should take this into consideration.  Ella / Project I feel my brain is function again! But I'm still feeling a bit anxious and stressed while information flooded me. I'm bac...

 Alright. Here I am. Journaling. It's just.. I shall practice writing. I have completely lost all goals for life, so I do not know what to do with my time and what to pursuit. Call it whatever crisis. After some thinking, I realized that there are actually multiple feasible directions I could have taken. But I do not feel passionate about any of them. Digging deeper, it's my worry for missing out other potential paths that holds me back.  Thinking about it, it's quite irrational - if I try and fail, at least I tried something; if I don't do anything and time just passes, I would miss all paths in front of me now. However, ration alone could not push me forward. Oh one more thing... Instead of hesitating and doing nothing, I could have set a time, say a year, or a few months, and dedicate myself to one single goal. After that time I can decide whether to stop and change, or continue because it's the thing for me. I couldn't even start doing that now, because... I...